I have been an advocate for the growth-mindset for a long time. My dad has instilled in me a never-ceasing desire to improve and to “keep plugging along” – those words seem to be his mantra for my sister and I when we succeed AND when we fail. I think that is the key element that steers the advice towards encouragement and away from deterring us. The continual desire to learn and to take your setbacks in stride are the golden tickets to achieving your goals and maintaining a healthy mindset.

Something that I have been struggling with along this front has been finding my value from external sources. I am happiest and like myself best when I feel like others approve of me, or when my efforts are praised. These tendencies are characteristic of someone with a fixed-mindset, and has been difficult to deal with. I am working on finding my strength and value from the inside. I need to learn how to be appropriately appreciative of my work when I do well, and to not get down on myself so hard when I slip up and make mistakes.

A growth-mindset is very hard to develop and maintain, of that there is no doubt. Paradoxically, the effort required to make such a change to your thinking sharpens your skills with patience and self-acceptance; working on changing your mindset from fixed to growth is an experiment in exercising your growth-mindset skills. Being honest with yourself is rough and does not come naturally for most. I always considered myself to be someone who saw the world for what it was and did not prevaricate from the truth when it came to my self-perception and interactions with others. It was not until I started regularly going to cognitive/behavioral therapy that I was enlightened to how severely skewed many of my perceptions are.

This is why I am a huge advocate for people who struggle mentally (which is most people) to go to cognitive/behavioral therapy, regardless of how mild or severe you perceive your problems to be. Oftentimes, there are things about yourself that you don’t even know about and/or need to be fixed. Self-improvement is COMPLETELY possible for any person who puts in work. But in truth, that is way more difficult than most are willing to go through, no matter what they convince themselves of. I had no inkling of how hard therapy was going to be when I started. Yes, everyone says that therapy is hard, but it is a whole different level of hard that can only be understood if you go through it yourself. Trust and believe that you are doing the best thing for yourself.

Finding the right therapist  can take a while! Please do not give up if the first therapist you try is not what you had in mind! My therapist gave me weird vibes and I thought he was a little crazy at first, but I came to realize just how fantastic he is at his job and how much he was doing for me after a while. And if you don’t think you are making progress the way you want to, keep going. If there is anything that I have learned from going to therapy, is that is incredibly trying and everything is a process. A long, hard process. I have been exposed to parts of me that I really hate and have never wanted/known how to acknowledge. But I keep going. Because I know that this is the best way to become the best person I know I can be. It all comes back to developing your patience and acceptance of yourself, strengths and flaws alike.

I know I probably sound like Chris Traeger from Parks & Rec going off the rails about his therapist- but I am talking about this because I believe in cognitive/behavioral therapy and I want my peers to grow and benefit from therapy the way I have done and continue to do. I know I can make a difference and help people become the best versions of themselves, and the best way to do that is to be open and share my experiences. I want to #BreakTheStigma around mental illness and help nurture a more accepting and positive society for us to live in.

Chapter 1 of Mindset discusses the lesser known “secrets to success” to developing a growth mindset and why it is a desirable route of thought. I highly suggest that everyone tries to incorporate the points brought up in the chapter, and to be patient with themselves.

Do everything with love~ the more you put in, the more you get out.