By: Garrett Goldberger
The locker room was quiet.
No one made the slightest sound.
We all knew why we were silent.
The towering, intimidating, terrifying players.
Readying ourselves, with our white, blue, and black jerseys show.
We have never been more confident about this game than before.
The ice, seemingly smooth and slippery.
My skate cuts sharply into the ice,
Tossing up chunks of snow and water into the air.
I prepare myself for the faceoff.
We battled like gladiators in an arena.
None of our opponents gave up the opportunity to score.
Back and forth we went.
The countdown started.
The time passing by as if it was in slow motion
I hear the buzzer sound.
The game is over.
My team and I rush to our goalie,
Congratulating him for a great game.
We are the champions.
I received my medal, glowing golden in the eyes of victory.
I shook the other team’s hands, which were hands of desire,
but disappointed of the turnout.
The formally quiet locker room, turned into a bananza.
1. I chose to publish my sense poem.
2. I chose this event because my experience of this was very detailed and specific, and I had to include every detail.
3. My tone was Tense.
4. My theme was that hard work eventually will pay off.
5. My two examples of figurative language are:
a. “We battled like gladiators in an arena.” This is a simile. It shows that we battled harshly for every chance we got.
b. “The towering, intimidating, terrifying players.” I’d say this is alliteration, even though one word starts with I. The emphasis on the T in intimidating makes me think that this is alliteration. It shows that we were afraid of the players on the other team.
6. 1. I changed “party” to “bananza”. 2. I changed “time went by slowly” to “time went by as if it was in slow motion”. I made these revisions because it elevated my choice of words and sentences.
7. This poem was easy to write because I’ve been through that event already, and I know what happened, so I was able to write it easily.
8. I’m satisfied with my final draft because the revisions I made from my rough draft enhanced my poem to the point where I was satisfied with what I wrote.