Ok so we can all agree I can get very mean when it comes to getting my food. I just loooove food. This morning they didn’t feed me because it was  so called “TOO EARLY.” They just do not get me one little bit. I need food all the time food is the reason I live. I live to eat. You may think it’s weird but I don’t care. I might eat you if you judge me too much. That’s right i’m gonna eat you. I’m a savage probably not as savage as Ellie but I can be bad. My mom thinks i’m the smarter dog (which i am). Ellie is just kind of dumb all of the time.

What. What do you mean there’s a psycho on the loose. Oooohhh you mean Ellie. That maniac. Yeah I live with her, it’s torture. If you’re reading this get help please. Lately she’s been trying to steal my food and eat me she also tries to eat the toilet paper. She also has been pooping in the basement more than usual. She’s also been barking at herself when she see’s herself in the window. We’ve tried to stop her but she’s just too crazy. This morning she did the most savage thing i’ve ever seen in my entire life. She… rubbed… her… butt… on the…carpet.

Oh My God. Ellie is so annoying. She was barking and growling at my mom. I started attacking her because I am over protective. Then she started chasing people around the counter, so I chased her and tried to eat her head off. Ellie just ran away after I attacked her then she started to run to her bed. I got in trouble for beating her up so my mom put me in the mudroom and locked closed the door for 5 minutes. I got so mad I started to think that I was becoming an Ellie. This is not good I need help I can not become an Ellie.

I don’t like being told where to go to the bathroom. I like to go anywhere I want to. This morning I pooped on the basement couch.I am not well potty trained. Jackie is but me I’m just a complete freak, A maniac, A demon. I also got the nickname skunk because I look like one and I get really smelly a lot of the time. I also like to fart and burp after I eat my food. People think I can be really gross sometimes. I can burp really loud i can probably burp louder than you can and I bet my farts smell worse than yours. 

I am a stalker. I like to stare at people and hope for food. If I don’t get food I just stare more and more and more. I’m a very creepy dog. I scared away another dog because I was just staring at him. I was trying to scare him away because when I was playing fetch with Jackie he and looked like he was about to come after our ball. I am a very mean dog. Jackie is fat so she could’ve just ran over the dog. I told her to run at him but she said she would get in trouble and have to go to timeout.

Me and Ellie try to get what we want when we want it. Earlier this morning me and Ellie had a plan to get food. Ellie was going to work on flipping the bowl over while I was growling and barking at our mom. We made them all really annoyed so then they fed us after 30 minutes of loud barking and scratching on bowls. We think we did a really good job. After we got fed we started begging for more. WE pretended that we didn’t get any food and we started to get back to work on annoying everyone a ton. We are very annoying sometimes.

I sleep in a lot of random places. I sleep in piles of dirty laundry. I also sleep on the ground, the counters, on peoples faces. I also like sleeping in the baskets of blankets. Sometimes I sleep on the couches like normal dogs do. The weirdest place i’ve ever slept was probably in an opened dryer with warm blankets. I also sleep on my food bowl because I can still smell my spit and food. I also love sleeping on all my toys and balls. But Jackie disturbs me while I’m sleeping and try’s to get the balls.

I can be a very scary dog to some people because I’m so fat and I try to eat peoples legs. I get put in timeout a lot because I’m a cannibal! I try to eat Ellie when nobody is home. But she is too skinny she’s all bone and loud and annoying and small and weird. I mean being a cannibal isn’t that weird is it? If you know any mental doctors can you please give me some I’m desperate. Not for their help, Their meat. i’m so hungry. I’m going to go eat Ellie. 

Sometimes I stalk people. I don’t think its’s creepy at all. I like to watch Jackie when she sleeps. Sometimes if she snores I hit her with my paw. One time she snorted so loud I growled at her and she attacked me. Sometimes I regret being a jerk to her because she beats me up every time. Why do I have to be so weak? Sometimes I have a dream about being a stronger dog and get over confident and try to fight her and when I do I get beaten up like always. Sometimes I win because I have a ton of energy. Im very very hyper.

Jackie tricked me into distracting the boys so now I don’t have a safe place to hide. I also did her a favor and she’s not letting me into her fort. When this is over i’m going to bite her ear so hard (like i do to everyone) and I’m gonna ATTEMPT to steal her food. I know she loves her food so I’m going to take that from her. I’m probably going to get beaten up after I do it though. One time I stole her food she tried to leave me outside. She tried closing the door on me when I was coming inside from playing fetch.