9/2: Is 11pm a bad time to talk to a date? I’m sure they’re not bothered by the company. In Fact today they look mildly over tired like a bed sore of some sort? Who even knew bed sores were a real thing like how do you even get sores from straight ‘chillin’. Maybe they should make some sort of ant-bed sore device, shake ’em around a bit. Or OR even add a little horribly loud alarm while the bed shakes vigorously, this could solve the medical industry’s problems for life! Truly those elite doctors in the high up of ‘Pill Manor’ (the doctor equivalent of Wall Street) are hogging this technology for themselves, getting a good bed shake in to cure them of any disease they got. While I type this, I realize I neglected the date of this wonderful ‘shaking’ medical breakthrough, oh nevermind it just fell off the counter. Close enough if you ask me, like that’s an overdose of shakes! I need the fruit ER Immediately. Too bad the date lacks healthcare due to his foreign background. Sad world we live in isn’t it. Well, back in the bag you go, you shake addicted wrinkly fruit.

9/4: Did ya’ know people do some weird stuff with you? Especially those ‘health’ crazed vegan type people, they use your kind as a substitute for literally anything, it’s kinda ridiculous and it feels quite disrespectful towards you. Like a date should just be eaten like a date, ya know? Maybe with some cream cheese for some peanut butter if you’re feeling fancy but you’re good as it is and I think you should know that tiny date. Another thing I noticed about you is the fact that, despite being smaller than your peers, you got the same sized seed on the inside as the others. You could be used like those cliche inspirational posts for middle aged women on facebook, to be widely shared far and wide until the meaning of that philosophy (at least I think that’s how you describe it?) is devalued to almost nothing. Truly middle aged Facebook women are a vicious breed, those groups are more closed off than a cult and I sincerely would be scared to be in them. I’m sure there’s some sort of plotting, like the HOA perhaps. I think the HOA is a greater threat to society than that of ISIS; they control you for the most unnecessary reasons. Soon enough we’ll see horrid public executions with things like lawn mowers all because Jimbo forgot to trim his walkway bushes.