DRAGONFLY: A caricature of confidence
CRICKET: Tired and wants books
HORNET: Causes problems on purpose
BEETLE: The newly-magical child of cheese-makers
PEAR: A more annoying version of Hornet
THE WISHING SLUG: An ancient being with mystical powers
DRAGONFLY, CRICKET, HORNET, and BEETLE, make their way through a forest, coming from Stage Right. DRAGONFLY leads the way, full of energy. CRICKET follows close behind, reading a map and occasionally looking up ahead. Behind CRICKET is HORNET, carrying a large stick and whacking nearby trees with it. BEETLE anxiously trails a few feet behind the others.
DRAGONFLY: This looks like a good spot for a water break. Hornet, you have the water?
CRICKET: Hornet clearly does not have the water.
DRAGONFLY: They had it ten minutes ago!
HORNET: I did. I did. But there was like… this really withered, dehydrated creature, and I wanted to help it out! Save the environment and all that.
BEETLE: They dumped it on me. I yelled at you guys to help but nobody noticed.
DRAGONFLY: Hornet, no more wasting supplies. Cricket’s on water duty next time.
CRICKET: [waves their map] It’s either water or directions.
DRAGONFLY: Beetle’s on water duty next time.
BEETLE: Hornet’s just going to take it.
DRAGONFLY: Hornet is NOT going to take it.
HORNET: Nah, they have a point. Bonk.
HORNET bonks DRAGONFLY on the head with their stick.
DRAGONFLY: Thanks.
HORNET: You’re welcome.
DRAGONFLY: [takes a deep breath] Okay, no water break. How close are we to—what is this, site number eight?
CRICKET: Half a mile.
HORNET: Can I have an approximate approximation of how likely this is to be the actual magical well?
CRICKET: Fifteen percent.
HORNET drops their stick, puts their head in their hands and collapses in slow motion. CRICKET watches this in utter disappointment. BEETLE picks up HORNET’s stick, which causes HORNET to lunge and rip it back.
DRAGONFLY: Cricket, thank you for staying on task.
CRICKET: You’re welcome.
At Stage Right, PEAR appears behind the group from out of the trees, holding a magic wand. BEETLE flinches at the sudden appearance, but the others appear annoyed.
PEAR: Heyyy, Bug Coven. Ant Coven? What are you, again?
CRICKET: The Insect Coven.
PEAR: Right, right. That’s kind of a lot to say, so I’m going to stick with Bug Coven. It even sort of rhymes. Bug Cov-en. Oh, hi Dragonflyyy.
DRAGONFLY: [sighs] Hello, Pear. I didn’t expect the Tree Coven to be joining us today. You could’ve simply asked to come along.
PEAR: Oh no, it’s just me! It really doesn’t take more than one spellcaster to mess up a trio of bugs.
CRICKET looks around, using a hand to gesture that they’re silently counting the members of their group. BEETLE backs away to Stage Left so that they aren’t close to the center of the conflict. PEAR twirls the magic wand in their hand.
PEAR: I heard you’re looking for a library.
DRAGONFLY: Who told you that?
PEAR gestures to HORNET. HORNET grimaces.
CRICKET: I told you not to trust anyone with important information.
HORNET: I didn’t just give it away! I traded it!
DRAGONFLY: For what?
HORNET: This stick!! Look at the bonking power on this thing!
CRICKET: You’re a disaster.
PEAR: You guys are really annoying, do you know that? Aaanyways, I’d like your map.
CRICKET protectively hugs the map.
DRAGONFLY: I apologize, but we’d like to keep it.
PEAR shrugs and twirls the wand again.
PEAR: I could just take it. What would you even do, throw a potion at me?
PEAR makes a quick motion with the wand as if casting a spell at HORNET. The stick flies out of their hands. In the moment of surprise, PEAR grabs the map from CRICKET and runs offstage to Stage Right. HORNET picks up their stick and chases PEAR.
DRAGONFLY: Hey! Beetle, stay here. You’re not ready for a duel yet, if that’s what this comes to.
DRAGONFLY and CRICKET exit at a jog and speedwalk, respectively.
BEETLE: Bye, I guess.
BEETLE turns around, looks up at the tree canopy, and sighs deeply. They look back to where the others had left and shake their head. They exit to Stage Left. Moments later, DRAGONFLY and CRICKET re-enter from Stage Right. DRAGONFLY is holding PEAR’s magic wand. CRICKET has the map back and is smoothing it out. HORNET follows, dragging PER with them and holding the stick. PEAR is halfheartedly attempting to wriggle away. DRAGONFLY looks around.
DRAGONFLY: Beetle? BEETLE? Are they even here?
CRICKET: It doesn’t appear so.
DRAGONFLY: Did you send more of your coven to attack Beetle?!
PEAR: I didn’t, actually. Looks like your new pet was too scared to stick around.
HORNET: They probably went home.
CRICKET: They would’ve passed us.
DRAGONFLY: We’ll deal with this in a minute. First, Pear.
PEAR: My coven wants your map. They’ll just send more of us next time.
CRICKET: Why not reach a compromise? We’re witches, not wizards. If we find the library, we can’t use any of the spellbooks. We can have the potion recipes, you can have the spellbooks, and everyone’s happy.
PEAR: Actually? Yeah, I can bring it up. Sounds a lot better than your friend here HITTING ME REPEATEDLY WITH A STICK AGAIN.
HORNET: You deserved it. I’ll do it again if I feel like it.
DRAGONFLY: Do not hit Pear with the stick. A compromise sounds great. As soon as we find Beetle, I’ll arrange a meeting with Aspen. Is she still in charge over there?
PEAR: Uh-huh. Can you let me go now?
DRAGONFLY nods. HORNET rolls their eyes and lets go of PEAR, stepping away overdramatically with their hands up. PEAR brushes themself off and takes their wand back from DRAGONFLY, then jogs offstage to Stage Right.
DRAGONFLY: Okay. Time to find Beetle.
DRAGONFLY, CRICKET, and HORNET exit to Stage Left. Afterwards, BEETLE walks onstage from Stage Right, looking downcast. They start to sit down on a foliage-covered boulder, but think better of it and wipe the leaves off first. The boulder turns out to be a well. BEETLE gapes as the MAGICAL WISHING SLUG rises majestically out of the well.
WISHING SLUG [serenely]: Hello, child. It is I, the Magical Wishing Slug, here to grant you a wish. Any wish your heart desires! Except more wishes. Or world domination. [The WISHING SLUG sighs and loses their divine appearance. They slip into a New York accent.] Do you know how boring it is to wait here for years on end, hoping somebody finds my well? And hoping that their wish isn’t stupid? If your wish is stupid I’m gonna be real sad. So, go ahead. Impress me.
BEETLE: This is… quite possibly the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me, okay. You’re not even a slug. You’re just a person with an antenna headband.
WISHING SLUG: OH NOOO, YOU’RE BORING!
The WISHING SLUG starts to lower back into the well.
BEETLE: Wait! Wait. Could I have some guidance first? Just… some advice? Please? About my wish?
WISHING SLUG: I’m listening, I guess.
BEETLE: Okay, thank you. Hi, um, I’m Beetle. I’m a witch’s apprentice in the Insect Coven. I’m learning to make potions..! Which is cool. And my friends are looking for this well so they can find a library with a bunch of ancient spells that have been lost to time. And that’s also cool..! But I’ve only been a witch for a couple of weeks, and I’m not very good at it. Or… anything. All my friends– or, I think we’re friends– come from these old magical families, and grew up in the Insect Coven’s castle. I grew up on a dairy farm. So I don’t know if I want to use the wish to find the library, when maybe I could use it to feel less out of place.
WISHING SLUG: I did not crawl out of a well after twenty-seven years to hear some kid complain! If I were you, I’d be seizing my chance to, you know, BE ALIVE AND NOT BE STUCK IN A WELL? Get over yourself! You’re fine.
BEETLE: Oh.
WISHING SLUG: Does that hurt your feelings? You know what hurts someone’s feelings? BEING STUCK IN A WELL! You KIDS THESE DAYS! So PRIVILEGED! You’re MAGIC! You can go WHEREVER YOU WANT! YOU ARE SUCH A WHINY HUMAN!
BEETLE cringes. HORNET enters from Stage Right, skipping up to the WISHING SLUG. They bonk the WISHING SLUG with their stick.
HORNET: Bonk!
BEETLE: Oh, Hornet..! I found the well..! You can…wish for your library now.
HORNET: What? Ew, I don’t care about the library.
DRAGONFLY and CRICKET enter behind HORNET. They gasp in unison upon seeing the well. They grab each others’ hands and hop up and down in excitement.
DRAGONFLY: IT’S THE WELL!
CRICKET: IT IS. IT IS THE WELL.
DRAGONFLY and CRICKET squeal and continue hopping.
HORNET: I would like to make a wish, O Mighty Well Troll.
WISHING SLUG: I am a SLUG! You RUDE WHINY HUMAN CHILD!
HORNET: I wish for you to be a nonmagical normal slug for all eternity.
WISHING SLUG: WHAT?!
The WISHING SLUG sinks into the well. HORNET watches, then pulls a small slug out from where they disappeared. DRAGONFLY and CRICKET have stopped hopping and stare, aghast, at HORNET.
CRICKET: What… What have you DONE?!
HORNET: They were making fun of Beetle. They had to be vanquished, and bonking just didn’t do the trick.
CRICKET: [sighs] I hate you.
HORNET: Look, we can find the library without help. We found THIS! Well, Beetle found it.
HORNET gives BEETLE a high five. BEETLE hugs HORNET.
HORNET: Ew.
BEETLE [mumbled]: Shut up.
DRAGONFLY smiles and drags CRICKET over, almost forming a group hug. HORNET steps away, looking scandalized.
HORNET: No no no, I’m not tolerating more than one person hugging me. I’m gonna go put this slug somewhere, and uhhh…
CRICKET: I’ll need to revise my map.
DRAGONFLY: And then we’ll get started searching for this library! Maybe we can convince the Tree Coven to help out.
HORNET: Absolutely not. I’d rather cause a war than have to interact with Pear for more than ten minutes.
CRICKET: You’re terribly inefficient.
DRAGONFLY: Standing around is inefficient. You guys ready to head home?
Everyone nods. The group begins to leave towards Stage Right, DRAGONFLY leading. BEETLE is walking with the others now, rather than away from them. The next lines are delivered as the group walks offstage.
DRAGONFLY: Okay, okay; Cricket’s on map duty; can I trust Hornet not to lose the water?
simultaneously HORNET: Yes.
CRICKET: No.
BEETLE: No.
HORNET: You guys don’t trust me?!
CRICKET: For good reason.
The group continues chattering as they leave. •
