“Yay!” I screamed as my friend and I sat on the roller coaster with our feet hanging out. It was my first time on one, and, unlike my friend I wasn’t scared one bit. We sat in patience until I saw the roller coaster worker whispering something in his walkie talkie, and then it started to move. I felt a burst of excitement as we went through loops and spins. We were having a blast until all the sudden it wouldn’t take off. Instantly my happiness turned into fear while we sat at the top of the coaster in denial.
Hi Naomi! This sounds like a scary situation to be in. I wonder if the narrator will change their mind about roller coasters not being scary, in the end. I like the phrase “loops and spins” as it’s specific about what the narrator is feeling and puts an image in my mind. Good work and keep writing!