This week’s report is about a wrinkly old man who kidnapped 3000 ducks. The man was last seen eating wild mushrooms while oaring on a boat.

Witness accounts say that his face had a million scars, eyes of a beast, and the body of a bear. After he conquered his fear of anatidaephobia, he had a wistfulness to take revenge on the ducks.

Witnesses also heard this statement from the man while he was on the boat, “I will rule the ducks, nobody can stop me!!!” The man has not been found, but the police are currently investigating the scene.