Thoughts We Have While Getting Our Kneeskin On

Ahhhh kneeskins. Those painful, constricting swimsuits girls spend at least 15+ minutes to get on.

Emerson Davis and Sam Pliuskatis at George Mason University.

Since it’s mid-season championship meet time, I decided to write a funny, relatable post to help get away from some of the stress that comes with the pressure of being tapered and expecting best times.

Thoughts we have as we squeeze ourselves into these torture devices:

  1. My NEW kneeskin!!!
  2. It’s so pretty!
  3. Is is just me or is it kinda small?
  4. My 5 year old cousin could wear this suit.
  5. Should I put this on before or after warm-ups?
  6. If I put it on after I’ll be rushed.
  7. If I put it on before I might stretch it out more than I have to.
  8. I’ll tear my finger apart if I put it on after (*cough* Arena Carbon kneeskins *cough*)
  9. Fine. I’ll put it on after. I’m not the first event anyways.
  10. *after warm-ups* Okay, gotta get this on now.
  11. First I need to get dry.
  12. Ugh. Stupid hair. STOP DRIPPING.
  13. Screw it, I don’t have time for this.
  14. *gets both legs through the holes* Okay this isn’t too bad.
  15. *starts to move over calves* Okay it’s only a little tight.
  16. *gets to upper leg* Well this just got so much harder.
  17. *start to move the suit centimeter by centimeter* You can do this. You’ve got this.
  18. *starts to get near the butt area* Don’t let it roll. Don’t let it roll. DON’T LET IT ROLL!
  19. *the suit rolls and has become painful and impossible to move* Well crap. It rolled.
  20. Okayyyyyyyy. Let’s just move the rest of the leg up so that it’s where it should be.
  21. *pinches themself* Son of a witch! I can’t do this. How am I going to get this suit up?
  22. *Starts to move legs up more and ends up rolling the suit even more* Well this just got worse.
  23. Hey what time is it?
  24. *Sees meet is about to start* I’ve been in here all of second warm-up?
  25. Crap. I have to hurry this up.
  26. *starts to try to hurry* It won’t move!
  27. Um… help? Someone please? I can’t get the butt unrolled.
  28. *friend starts to help and they end up sticking their hand down your butt crack* You know you’re close when your friend is willing to stick their hand down your butt.
  29. Okay, the butt is half on. Now you gotta move the legs so they are ACTUALLY where they are supposed to be.
  30. *pinches themself AGAIN* Holy mother of cheese why do I keep doing this to myself?
  31. *Finally gets the suit mostly in the right spot* Finally. It’s over my butt.
  32. *moves it up the torso in less than 30 seconds* Well that was easy.
  33. *tries to get shoulder strap over* Oh no. It’s stuck.
  34. *awkwardly looks around with arm halfway in the strap* Who can I ask. Dang it, why did my friend have to leave me?
  35. *walks up to a random stranger* They look like they aren’t in the middle of something.
  36.  *asks if they don’t mind* Ugh. The one part I hate more than anything else about kneeskins.
  37. *stranger helps then with both straps* Phew, I got it on.
  38. *starts to adjust the rest of the suit* Just gotta adjust this, and this, and this.
  39. *finds that the legs are still 3 inches too low* Well now I just have to pinch myself even more.
  40. *gets the legs in the right spot* Thank every holy spirit ever to exist.

Hopefully, you can relate at least a little to some of these thoughts. These suits, while impossible to get on, are also worth it. The suits are a mental tool along with a physical tool. And the results can be extremely rewarding.

Happy swimming!

One thought on “Thoughts We Have While Getting Our Kneeskin On”

  1. This made me laugh! I don’t swim year around anymore but the first time I tried to put on a kneeskin I thought I was going to squeeze myself to death

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