By: Peter Hoenig
The bases loaded
The bat handle greasy
The crowd silent
Butterflies in my stomach
The pitchers eyes beamed at me
Then the pitch
The ball shot into the air like a rocket
The other team in shock
I blazed around the bases
Gleaming at the crowd
The team with me on their back
Excitement all the way around
- I published a sensory detail poem.
- I chose this event as the basis for my poem because it was an amazing moment in my life and I remembered every moment of it.
- The tone of my poem is victorious. Some lines that support this are “Excitement all the way around”,”We won”, and “The team with me on their back”. These support the tone because they have vocab that happens when you win such as excitement and the team carrying me on their backs.
- The theme of my poem is Every chance you don’t take is a missed opportunity. It is this because if I were to have told my coach to not put me in and that I was scared I would’ve never had one of the greatest moments of my life but I decided to take the chance.
- One piece of figurative language was, “CRACK!”, which is an onomatopoeia. This contributes to the development of the theme and tone because it is the first part where the reader realizes that I actually came through and succeeded in the chance I took. The second figurative language I chose was a hyperbole in “The ball shot into the air like a rocket” and I chose this to really show that I crushed the ball and it was going a long way.
- One revision that I made was changing joy to excitement in the second to last line. I did this because I felt like joy didn’t really fit my poem and excitement was a better fit. My second revision was I switched the order of “The crowd silent” and “Butterflies in my stomach”. I did this because it seemed more right when I went over reading it.
- It was pretty easy to write this poem because I remember this moment very vividly and could write about it easily.
- I am pretty satisfied with this final draft because it is pretty much the first poem I have written and I think I did a decent job.