By: Christine Jang
I slowly open my groggy eyes.
Swaddled by my feathery covers.
The murmur of each raindrop falling onto the hard rooftop
Fills my ears.
Room is dimmed by the half opened curtains,
Looking out to the gray sky and faintly painted clouds.
I pull my curly, coarse hair up like a bird’s nest.
My clumsy hand hovers over the cold, hard bed stand
Obtaining my awkward-fitting, smudged glasses,
That sits comfortably on my small nose.
The subtle sound of quiet breathing coming from my sister’s room
Fills the empty hallway.
Vigilant of making a loud noise,
Cautious of disrupting the peaceful silence of roaring stillness.
I walk down the narrow staircase,
My nose following the pervaded aroma of gingerly, warm honey tea.
The glimpse of the small living room lamp,
Reflects off my father’s glasses,
Who was rushing out of the house,
Grabs the keys with clashing rumble.
He looks up with a surprised and affectionate smile,
Kisses my cold, untouched forehead with a warm kiss.
The wooden, front door is creaked open.
The sound of the pouring hard rain emits through the whole, silent house.
Soon after, the door is closed.
Immediately hushing the interrupting buzz of the busy outside.
- I published a sensory detail poem.
- I chose a rainy Saturday morning as the basis of my poem because this was still a very vivid, clear, fond memory I could remember well.
- The tone of my poem is serene.
- The theme of my poem is that a memory does not have to be extravagant.
- a) “I pull my curly, coarse hair up like a bird’s nest”
- b) This is a simile because it uses the word “like” and is comparing my hair to a bird’s nest.
- c) This figurative language contributes to the tone and theme development by talking about an unimportant, daily part of a typical day contributing into a fond memory.
- a) “Swaddled by my feathery covers”
- b) This is personification because it uses a human action, swaddling, to describe a non-human object, the covers.
- c) This figurative language contributes to the tone and theme development by showing a calm, harmonious tone to add onto the serene tone and a daily action into peaceful memory.
- I changed “sound” to “murmur” because it shows a more calm, peaceful mood and a sensory detail to better understand the story.
- I added “empty” to hallway because it showed a more sight detail and added a neutral tone.
- This was a fairly easy poem for me to write because this memory was easy to remember and I was able to add much sensory detail within the story.
- I am satisfied with my final draft because it showed all the emotions and tone I was feeling while living the memory, and I am content with small, yet important exaggerated events that happened within the poem that helps give much detail.