You Get Lost

Well if you got lost then you probably messed up somewhere along the way.  The only time it’s ok to be lost is when it’s in the sauce.  Then its all good.  If your going anywhere you should know your way around.  Google maps can’t help you all the time especially when you don’t have service.  So you might need to have a map with you and you need to know how to use it.  If you have a map and don’t know how to use it its pretty useless (obviously).  If you walk away from the path your on or get stranded don’t start walking around cause then you’ll get even more lost.  And it’s not in the sauce so it’s not all good. You should stay put and if you can’t call for help then try your best to retrace your steps.  You should have also let people know where you are going so if you do end up getting lost people can come and find you.  If you keep walking around you could go from lost to very lost.  Bottom line just don’t get lost in the first place.


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You See a Bird of Paradise

Birds of Paradise are interesting creatures. They have very unique mating calls and rituals. The birds of paradise are known to have especially strange mating dances.  They puff out their feathers in an attempt to impress a mate and look very cool doing it.  Other animals have unique yells like turtles when they are mating.  Turtles yells are very unusual and they make strange gasping noises.  The birds of paradise especially are unique because they do different dances.  They make themselves seem a lot bigger like in the picture below.  The males are usually in striking colors and are more vibrant.  The females just sit and watch and see if the guy is worth their time.  Many animals have certain seasons where they like to reproduce. Humans are the only ones that don’t seem to really have one.  Different animals have different mating calls or dances to attract mates.  Some just yell or bellow and others do weird dances like the birds of paradise.


Birds of Paradise

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You See Two Chipmunks Squaring Off

You are walking home from work and you see two chipmunks.  One you name Chubby the other you name Chunky. Chubby and Chunky are brothers, and they are both pretty skinny. Chubby called Chunky fat and this got Chunky mad.  Then Chunky told Chubby that he could fit a lot of acorns in his mouth.  This led to more arguing and finally a full on fight. Like any normal bored person watching two chipmunks fight, you start to commentate in your head and start recording.

Chunky is out quick and lunges for Chubby. A swift right kick from Chubby sends Chunky flying. Chunky puts his arm around Chubby in a headlock and they both fall to the ground. They both get up again and are back at it.  They are grappling and grasping each other.  This continues for the next minute.  It was like the Mayweather and Mcgregor of chipmunks. This continues until chunky gives up and runs off.  It was a good fight 10/10.  Chubby tells Chubby to go nut off and scurries off to his chipmunk home.


This is a chipmunk fight similar to the one I recorded.

I do not claim ownership of this and I couldn’t copy the url over either so I just have the video

A Chipmunk Tries To Take Your Nuts

You just had your nuts stolen by a chipmunk. Sucks to suck. What went wrong to have this occur? First of all, you should’ve kept them hidden where a chipmunk couldn’t see them and secondly, you should’ve kept them someplace safe where they couldn’t reach them. Don’t let chipmunks take your nuts, make sure they’re well protected. Guard them like you’re protecting your future kids. You should be especially wary in the fall, because they don’t discriminate. Big nuts, small nuts, brown nuts, black nuts, hard nuts, soft nuts, peanuts, walnuts, anything they can get their hands on. Protect your nuts at all costs.

Chipmunk’s in the fall are preparing for hibernation and they are trying to get fat for winter. (Kind of like Americans, for us winter is the whole year). Always make sure to watch your nuts at all times and keep them locked away. Chipmunks can take nuts in big loads too, so if you have a big stash, make sure to be extra careful.  The average chipmunk can fit up to 6 acorns in it’s mouth at one time. That’s about 1/4 of their body weight. That’s quite a feat in my opinion. I recommend either not eating nuts, or just being very, very careful with them. Don’t let chipmunk’s get near your nuts and you should be fine.


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You Are Getting Chased By A Bear

If you’re getting chased by a bear you probably did something to piss it off and you’re screwed.  There isn’t a whole lot you can do.  It’s more or less a common rule in life, to not pick on someone that’s bigger than you especially if it’s a 600 lb, 10 foot tall Grizzly bear.  The odds of getting attacked by a bear are around 2.1 million to 1 so for the most part you’re pretty safe.  Your odds go screaming through the roof when you feed or throw stuff at a bear.  To me that’s basic common sense, don’t feed or throw things at bears, but some people ended up winning the Darwin award for that one.

You are 3 times more likely to get struck by lightning than to be eaten by a bear.  The only exception to that is Roy Sullivan who got struck by lightning seven times and he probably had the worst luck in the world.  One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to climb a tree, cause guess what, bears can climb trees as well.  If you’re with a friend and a bear comes running at you it’s usually better for you if you’re faster than your friend.  Because bears, like us humans, are lazy and they will probably go after the slower one of you two.  You are quite unlikely to encounter a bear while walking in the woods, but if you do it’s always an interesting experience.  Take pictures but keep your distance especially if it’s a mama bear and her cubs.



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Hello and welcome to my blog.

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I will be talking about how to survive from dangers in the wild and what to do when you are put into a complicated situation.  Being prepared is always important.  I will also be talking about a couple important survival tips that you need to know because the wild is a very wild place.



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